My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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