I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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