if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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