Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I can't put those talents on a resume
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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