I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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