is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
