my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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