What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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