Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
