so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Of course I have a pirate flag
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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