Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
