I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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