I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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