My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
