fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
