If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
