I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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