i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
