Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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