theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
