is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
