his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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