im so drunk with asians
where?
always
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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