I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
