plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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