I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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