and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
