see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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