There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
