Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
