i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
