I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
