all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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