I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize