last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
