In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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