May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
