He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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