Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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