dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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