There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
