How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
