Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
