I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
