You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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