i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
then he tried to convert me to islam
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
my poor anus
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize