Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
