Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
