He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
