Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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