If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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