this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
