um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
