I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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