Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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