my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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