her vagine was all disorganized.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize