Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
