You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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