At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
