A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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