You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize