things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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