ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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