I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You are a genius and a whore.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
