I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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