thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
