I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
