she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
