nutella sex= disaster
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
