We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
