I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
