Where did you get a picture of my penis
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
