I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She bit a glass in half.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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