How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
