dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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