Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
