I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize