i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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