You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
