Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
