I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
