Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
