How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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