I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
