Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
