It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
