So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
