i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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