I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
