first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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