I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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