Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My vagina just recognized that song.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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