You're my little dorito
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize