dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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