I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
