it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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