New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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