Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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