Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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