Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
