So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
