I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
