There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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