not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
