I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize