You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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