I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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